Chapter 2 - Pacmania

Last time on Total Drama Arcade... The contestants were acquainted with each other. We met some nice people, some mean ones, and some ones who are just really messed up in the head. Yeah, that's basically three-fourths of the cast. Today, they'll compete in their first challenge, but if you think we're gonna go easy on them... Think again! Who will win? Who will lose? Who will be the first one sent home? Find out the answers to these questions and more, on Total... Drama... Arcaaaaade!

The contestants, Chris, and the four bodyguards are shown in the same exact spot that the last episode left off, in front of a large, spiked maze.

"So, uh, what exactly are we supposed to do now? Are we gonna just stand here for the whole day?" inquires Natasha.

"I hope we play football. Football is really fun," says Jim blandly. Natasha and some others exchange glances at him.

"Your mom thinks football is really fun," says Eddie rudely. "Ahuhuhuhu." Everyone looks at him, and he just shrugs.

After a long pause, Chris then says, "So, you guys know the rules of the challenge, right? Because I don't wanna waste my time explaining."

"No, we really don't know," says Ashlee. "Why can't we do something cooler, like Keytar Hero or something?"

"Shhh, that will be later in the competish," says Chris. Ashlee grins happily.

Chris tosses each of the teams a foam Pac-Man costume, and then begins to explain. "Each team will pick one person to be the protagonist. There will be magnets in the costumes, and the other team members will have larger magnets which they will use to control the player. The object of the challenge is to avoid the bodyguards," he points to the four buff men, who wave, "and get as many points as you can."

"Eh, sounds pretty easy to me, huh, team?" asks Rex, who's holding the Pac-Man costume.

Mariah slaps him. "Never say that until you know it's gonna be easy, otherwise you'll jinx it!" she says. "Now give me that effing costume." She snatches the costume from Rex.

Rex (CONF): That Mariah chick scares me, man, I think there's somethin' goin' on with her, like she's a villain or somethin'. Is it jus' me, or is she worse than Skyla? (a short pause) Nah, that ain't possible.

Chris is still explaining the challenge, while most contestants look bored. "If you happen to snag one of the big pills, you'll turn invincible for 20 seconds, and you'll be able to eat the enemies. The team with the highest score who goes the longest without being eaten wins invincibility, and the losers... I'll see you at elimination." He chuckles evilly. "Who's gonna be the Pac-Men?"

The camera zooms to Team ZIRRRRH, who is standing there with Herbert holding the Pac-Man costume and everyone else looking on.

"Sex in the lounge," sings Enrico while looking at Zoey flirtatiously. "Gurl, I'mma take you down. I'mma have you screaming, gurl, they gon' hear the sound of our sex in the lounge."

"Oh my god, did you guys know that that song is Northworth's favorite song? He listens to it an average of 3.6 times each day, and 8 on weekends," says Kathie. "Weird music taste, huh?"

Herbert begins to move his mouth and hands in a mocking way, possibly imitating Kathie.

"Oh, guy, do you wanna fight again? Because I got a whole 'nother--" Kathie is cut off by one of the bodyguards, who clears his throat, and then stands behind her with his arms crossed intimidatingly.

Zoey (CONF): Aww, Enrico is really annoying me here. I hope he's off soon, I don't really like him at all, and then there's those two Wiki people, who just fight and say weird stuff. Lloyd seems to be the most normal person here. I'm so sad that my two friends, Mariah and Caterina, are on different teams!

"Hey, Zoey, wanna buy some heroin? 20% off today, it's a special Teammate Bargain," says Lloyd, holding up a backpack with suspicious things in it.

Zoey (CONF): ...Forget about what I said about Lloyd being normal. I mean, he is, other than the heroin selling and rapping...

Herbert is then shown with the Pac-Man costume on his body, although it's girlish and has a bow on it, while he's scowling.

"Chris, you jerk, why do I have to be the chick character? Am I girlish in any way?" whines Herbert.

"No, we just like switching things up a bit," says Chris. "You're going for ZIRRRRH, correct?" Herbert nods. "And for the Crane Machines?"

"Brendan goes?" asks Brendan to his teammates.

"Uh, Brendan, you're good at sports or whatever, right?" asks Ashlee. Brendan nods. "Then sure, you can go." Brendan makes a whooping sound.

Chris tosses Brendan the Pac-Man costume. Brendan yells something like "NERP!" and tears the costume to shreds.

"Maybe that wasn't the best choice," Ashlee then says.

"All right, losers, maybe I should go," says Tiffany. "After all, I am the greatest."

"Yeah, the greatest at being annoying and rude," mutters Natasha.

"Don't hate me cause you ain't me," Tiffany scoffs. "Seriously, dude. Your clothes are trash, and your hair looks like it hasn't been brushed for ten years. You need a new wardrobe, unless you like looking like a turd."

"Actually, that was the style I was going for," Natasha says sarcastically.

"I want to go," says Jim blandly. "I like doing stuff."

"Come on, see what you've done, Tiffany?" Ashlee glares. "He probably runs really averagely or whatever."

"I did absolutely nothing," scoffs Tiffany. "Just let me do it." She yanks the costume away from Jim, and everyone sighs in relief.

The camera moves to the Skee Balls. "Who's gonna go for us?" asks Mariah. "It's totally not gonna be me."

"We shoot you down, but you won't fall, I am Q," says Q cryptically.

"I think he's trying to say that you already volunteered to do it, like five minutes ago," Rex says.

"Your mom already volunteered to do it five minutes ago," Eddie immaturely says. "You hopefully know what I mean by 'do it'."

"Eddie, you are not funny, nor will you ever be," Mariah snaps. "So stop trying, and please do work in this challenge. Do it for my Boo."

"Awwww, who's your Boo?" Skyla gushes. "Rexie was once mine. Until he did bad stuff."

"'Ey, I did nothin'! You was the one who cheated on me, girl! Seriously!" pleads Rex.

"Come here, you!" screams Skyla. Rex shakes his head and begs. Skyla leans in and starts to tickle Rex, while he screams in agony.

"What the crap is wrong with our team?" asks Mariah sweetly, but her words suggest she's not happy. "They need to focus."

"Your mom needs to focus on how I made her preggers last night," Eddie retorts.

"Anywhere I go, things are looking slow, every time I walk, people like to talk," chants Q mysteriously.

Eddie (CONF): Uh, I hate that Q guy. I don't know anything he says, he makes me look so stupid. He's so annoying, more so than your mom.

On the Whac-A-Moles' side of the arcade, Reuben attempts to lead his team. "OK, I know we're gonna win, and I also know who's gonna be our Pac-Man. It's gonna be the weird blue-haired guy."

Gavin is shown clenching his fists in agony and screaming things in Japanese.

"How about somebody different, like maybe me? Because not only am I an amazing and super awesome singer, I'm, like, totally good at challenges, yeah," Friday says.

Gavin takes a break from his yelling and says calmly, "I beg to differ. Say, what about Alyxandra?"

"I know that she doesn't want to do it. Plus, we shouldn't disturb her," Reuben replies. "She looks like she's concentrating."

Alyx is crouched down, jotting down things in a book furiously. She looks up, noticing her teammates. "Oh, hey, guys. Isn't it super pretty out today? The sun is so bright and... I mean... Death on the beach. The bodies come writhing out of the ocean and onto the shore... Gone. The whole beach. Possessed."

"Oh my gosh, guys, did you know that my brother went to an arcade once? Yeah, and when he went to get a candy bar from the vending machine, a hand came out and grabbed him, then stabbed him! Hehe, my brother is so weird," Caterina explains.

"I knew that," says Reuben in response. "I was there."

Caterina (CONF): OMG, Reuben is soooo creepy! I think I'm scared of him!

"The challenge starts in five minutes, everyone, so be prepared!" Chris announces to the teams.

Mariah is shown, attempting to give her team a pep talk. "Okay, guys. Remember, don't let those bodyguards chase you, no matter what. If they get close, I don't know, kick them in the balls or something. Try to get as many pills as you can get. Is this clear?"

"Uh, Mariah, I thought you was gonna be th' Pac-Man. Or Pac-Woman. Whateva'," Rex replies.

Mariah growls. "Ugh, that's right. Here, Rex, you can do it." She tosses the pac-man costume to Rex, who catches it in shock.

"Aw, c'mon, I don't wanna!" Rex says angrily. "Why are you the boss?"

"Jeez, take a chill pill, muchachos," says Eddie in response to Rex and Mariah.

"Just do it!" Mariah yells. She then blinks and looks shocked. "...For me?" She attempts to make a cute face.

"Agh, a'ight. Only fo' you, though," says Rex. "I can't resist nothin'."

Skyla slaps Rex. "Get your eyes away from that dirty scumbag, Rexie-poo! You love ME!"

"Please, Skyla! Uh... I have a gun! And a restraining order! Which totally didn't expire yesta'day!" Rex screams.

"Why would you say that?" asks Mariah, confused.

On the Crane Machines' side, Ashlee says to Tiffany, "Just... Try not to mess anything up, okay?"

"Hehehehehehehe," giggles Tiffany obnoxiously. "You know, the camera loves me. I can't help anything I do."

Ashlee (CONF): Sometimes, I just want to slap that girl in the face.

Team ZIRRRRH is then shown. "I really do not want to do this," whines Herbert. "You guys are such jerks."

"Jerks? JERKS? WE'RE THE JERKS?! We weren't the ones who made a ridiculously attractive sockpuppet so we could fool every single person on the wiki into thinking we were a handsome British boy!" yells Kathie. "I'm still emotionally damaged by that!"

"Um, yeah. Well, Herbert, the rest of our team is special, so you're our best bet," Zoey responds.

Enrico is seen staring at Zoey. "Yo, babe. What size cup do you have?"

Zoey looks at Enrico with shifty eyes, and slowly backs away from him.

"Relax, Herb, you'll be fine, just remember, it's only a game. Got it?" Lloyd says, attempting to pep up Herbert.

"Yeah, whatever," grumbles Herbert. "I still hate you all. Especially her." He points to Kathie, who mutters a dirty word.

On the Whac-a-Moles' side, Reuben says, "All right. I know we're gonna win. Let's do this."

"Well, at least your attitude is good, and that's always the key to winning!" squeals Alyxandra. "Friday, you ready?"

"Never been more ready in my life, gurl," responds Friday. "I got this."

Chris claps his hands, and an explosion is heard. Several contestants jump in shock. "All righty, the challenge is about to begin! Which team would like to volunteer, and get it over with?"

"We totally do," says Mariah. "Right, guys? You're ready, Rex?"

Rex is shown trembling and sweating. "Uh, I dunno, 'Riah. I'm not sure if I can--"

Chris then interrupts Rex. "Very well, thanks for volunteering, Rex!" He hands Eddie, Q, Mariah, and Skyla magnets, and directs them to the upper balcony. "This is where you'll be directing Rex, just point the magnet in the direction you want him to go." The contestants nod in understanding. "And Rex, don't worry, everything will be fine!"

"Yeah, you always say that, and it's--" Rex responds, but is once again interrupted by Chris, yelling "3... 2... 1... GO!" The gates open, and Rex is sent hurtling into the maze.

"Whooooooah!" yells Rex, as he bumps into a wall violently. "Take it easy, guys!"

"Oh, and there is no time limit, just collect as many pills as you can before you get touched by a bodyguard!" Chris yells. "Got it?"

Mariah is attempting to control Rex in the balcony. "Uh, okay, and then he goes left... Oh, crap, a bodyguard! Moving right..."

"Give me that freaking magnet!" yells Skyla, and she violently punches Mariah in the stomach. "HANG ON, REXIE! I GOTCHA!"

"This will not end well..." Mariah worries, while dazed on the floor. Her, Eddie, and Q watch as Skyla violently controls Rex, making him swerve and take sharp turns.

Rex has swirls in his eyes, but is still violently running. "Uhhh. Feelin' kinda dizzy... Skyla, c'mon, take it easy there..."

"I don't even know how someone can control him with just a magnet..." Q whispers. "It's a cartoon, you tool, get over it!" Eddie responds, jerkishly.

Rex continues running, although against his will. He picks up a few pills, (Ooh, pills!") then puts them in his pocket. "Jus' gotta find that big pill so I can eat the..." While Rex is running, a bodyguard appears in front of him.

"OMG! Bodyguard! Gotta make a run fo' it!" Rex squeals, as he sprints away. The bodyguard tries to make intimidating noises, but fails.

Rex then stops. "Phew, no bodyguard goons here who'll try t' get me," he says. Then, a voice says, "Oh, really?" Rex turns around and screams extremely loudly as the bodyguard tags him.

"Aw, come on, Rex!" screams Mariah. "I mean... At least you tried, and that always counts."

"Your mom always counts the number of--" Eddie yells. "Shut up, Eddie," everyone says.

Rex emerges from the maze, and slumps down on the ground. "And I didn't even get any of those big pill thingies. Darn."

Chris walks up to him. "Rex and the Skee-Balls, your score is... 47 pills. Will the Crane Machines beat that?"

"Hey, who said we were going next?" Ashlee protests. "I did," says Chris. "Tiffany, ready?"

"Oh, like, yeah, totally! I can do this!" yells Tiffany enthusiastically. The gates open, the rest of the Crane Machines are hurtled into the balcony, and Tiffany is thrown into the maze.

"Okay, so who's gonna control?" asks Ashlee. "It should probably be someone who's--" Brendan interrupts Ashlee, and pushes her aside to get to the lever. Ashlee gets back up, and nudges Brendan off. "YEEP!" yells Brendan, and he randomly falls asleep on the ground.

"I like sleeping too, I do it every night for 8 to 12 hours," Jim says.

"Whoo-hoo, yeah, we're totally going to win," Natasha groans. "You go, Brendan. Bring our team home."

Natasha (CONF): Like, I know that not everyone on our team is the brightest bulb, but do I really have to be stuck with these Neanderthals? Ashlee's cool, I suppose, then there's Brendan and Jim, who I have no comment on. And of course Tiffany.

"I think Tiffany is doing a good job," Jim says. "I like our team."

Tiffany is shown running through the maze. She then randomly stops.

"Wait, what just happened?" Ashlee yells. "Tiff, keep running! Why isn't the magnet working?"

"Oh, you mean this thingy?" Tiffany says, holding up what's left of the magnet. "I destroyed it. You know, I prefer working at my own pace. Hehehe!"

"All right, that's fine, just make sure to avoid all of the enemies! And sprint super fast!" Ashlee responds.

"Sprinting is always super fast, that's why it's called sprinting," replies Natasha. "I don't need that right now, Natasha," Ashlee says irritatedly.

"Oh, this is a lot cooler!" Tiffany yells, sprinting through the maze. "And no bodyguards in sight!"

Natasha slaps her head. "Perfect. She just jinxed it."

Tiffany leaps through the maze, and grabs a gigantic pill. "Ooh, this is the thing that makes you big and able to eat the bodyguards! Yay!" She eats it, and suddenly becomes ridiculously fast.

A bodyguard is sitting in the middle of the maze, reading "Playboy". Tiffany sprints past him, and knocks him away so hard that he ends up flying out of the maze.

"That's more like it!" Ashlee cheers on Tiffany from the balcony.

"Why would that bodyguard be reading Playboy...?" Natasha wonders.

"I sometimes read magazines too, but I mostly read People. I like people. Don't you?" Jim responds.

"Actually, no, I despise people, that's why I'm with a bunch of them right now," Natasha snarks.

There is a silence. Jim then says, "You're pretty." Natasha rolls her eyes.

Tiffany is shown running to the gate, and she then escapes from the maze and collapses on the ground.

"Tiffany, how did you do? You looked awesome out there, I'll give you that," Ashlee says.

Ashlee (CONF): I hate Tiffany. But whatever, she was all right for that challenge. I'm still gonna go out of my way to make sure she's home early, though. And I mean early. Ugh, I wish Damian was here, he totally knew me. (pause, becomes shocked) Yeah, because Damian is totally my, uh, psychiatrist! Wait, then people will I... Uh, kay, he's the drummer in my band! Which I just formed five seconds ago. Yeah, that works. Band. Awesome. Back to Tiffany.

"Tiffany, congratulations, you have beat the Skee Balls with a score of... 48 pills. That places the Skee Balls last, and you guys first. Whac-a-Moles, time to go! Who will be representing?" Chris says.

"Oh, I wanna go! Pick me!" giggles Caterina.

"Um, back off, sista. I'm going," Friday says aggressively. "KK!" Caterina chortles.

"Friday, you're going? All right, Whac-a-Moles, the rest of you can go get in the balcony and control her," says Chris, and he leads the others to the balcony. "3... 2... 1... GO!"

Friday zooms off into the maze. While she runs, she begins to sing. "Weren't you the one who saaaaid... That I would be nothiiiiin'... Well, I'mma 'bout to prove you wrooooong!"

"NOOO!" yells Gavin. "This will halt my transformation!"

"OMG, she's such a bad singer, hahaha," Caterina says happily.

"I know that she's totally going to fail and become an alcoholic when she grows up," says Reuben. "Had a vision about it last night."

"I had a vision about when I died. The Grim Reaper rose out of the ocean, disguised as a gigantic piranha, and swallowed me whole. Then everything was black," Alyxandra says. The others move away from her.

"Once, my brother went fishing, and a piranha bit him in the unmentionables, ahaha," Caterina recites. "True story."

"Wait, who is controlling Friday?!" yells Gavin. "FRIDAY! WATCH OUT!"

"Which seat can I taaaaaaaaaaaaaa--" sings Friday, until she crashes into a bodyguard. "Oh, what's up? Do you like my music? Everyone does, heh."

The bodyguard grumbles something, then chucks her out of the maze and she falls down in front of Chris.

The other Whac-a-Moles come out. "WHAT WAS THAT?!" yells Gavin. "Even Admiral Akainu from Two Whole is a better person than you! AND HE KILLED LUFFY'S BROTHER ACE! WHO WAS A FAN FAVORITE!"

"You know what, you're just jelly of my amazing skills," Friday brags. "Cause I'm so hot and talented, uh-huh."

"Wanna hear some talent?" asks Caterina. Friday giggles rudely. Caterina then begins to sing, and she sings beautifully, like the voice of an angel.

"Huhuh, Mary Sue much?" Gavin says. "Wait, no, she doesn't have half of the defining qualities. Ignore everything I just said!"

"Oh, your voice is awesome, Cat!" Friday says. "NOT. LAWLZORZ!!!!1111"

"...So, Chris, how many pills did we get?" Alyxandra asks. Chris makes a "1" sign with his hand, and Alyxandra swears.

"Finally is Team ZIRRRRH!" Chris says. "Ready, Herbert?"

Chris looks over to Herbert. "Uh..." says Herbert. He then pretends to fall on the ground, straight on his face. "OW!"

"Oh, you poor thing, should I go instead of you?!" Zoey says. "I'll totally go."

"That would be awesome..." Herbert says, pretending to sound hurt.

Herbert (CONF): Hehe. What a sucker. Eh, gotta give her points for being a sexy babe, though. I'm telling you, this is a cool team. Except Enrico. He's a cool guy and all, but he's really hurting my chances with the ladies. Wait, he can take Kathie, I hate that psycho. I got dibs on Zoey, maybe I can show her that stuff I did with LeShaniquafan and FanStory2009 last September. Hehehe.

Zoey puts on the Ms. Pac-Man costume. "I'm ready!" she says happily. Chris counts down from 3, opens the gate, and the other team members begin to control her. "Whoa, this is fun!" says Zoey happily, as she sprints through the maze. She narrowly dodges a bodyguard and keeps picking up pills.

"Keep goin', Zoey! You got this!" Lloyd says, cheering on Zoey.

"I'll have an intimate moment with you in bed if you win the challenge!" yells Enrico. He gets some glances from others.

"Heh, she's good," Chris says, watching Zoey go through the challenge with ease. "Too good, it seems. Drake, replace the pills."

An intern with a red shirt quickly takes one of the pills from the maze, throws it out, and puts a red pill in there in place of the original one. He gives a thumbs up, but is trampled by Zoey, who sprints past him at lightning speed. "Ow."

Zoey grabs the pill while running, and pops it into her mouth. She feels a sharp taste in her mouth, and slowly begins to grow "Oh, crap, what's happening?!" she says, while trying to avoid the bodyguards.

"What are you doing to her?" Kathie asks. Chris responds, "We thought that this challenge wasn't hard enough."

"But it's the first challenge, you gotta start somewhere," says Lloyd.

"Well, remember the first challenge in TDI? Yeah, jumping off a cliff, wasn't it? With man-eating freshwater sharks? Did that look easy?" asks Chris.

"I could take it on," Lloyd says.

Chris looks frustrated. "All right, drop down and let's see 50 push-ups," says Chef, barging in and throwing Chris aside. "Now, or you maggots will lose th' challenge."

Lloyd shrugs, and gets down on the ground, and then starts to do push-ups.

The contestants look in the maze, and gasp in horror. Sure enough, Zoey is now a enormous blue monster with gigantic green hair, a tail, and sharp fangs.

"Aw, come on, Dakota again? That made me stop watching TDROTI," Ashlee says. "It wasn't even good to begin with."

"MOVE!" she yells, stepping on the bodyguards and grabbing pills. "THIS PILL MINE!"

"Wow, it's like she turned into Brendan," Natasha comments from the sidelines.

Zoey continues to roar, and she picks apart the maze. She then grabs almost every single pill, stomps on the bodyguards, and falls over in pain.

"Well, looks like she got... 69 pills!" Chris says. Enrico giggles. "Haha, so funny," Natasha says.

They all walk over to Zoey, who's now back to her normal self, but is dazed and on the ground.

"Wh-what just happened?" she asks, waking up. "Did I do all that?"

"Yeah, you did, and it was awesome!" Herbert says. "C'mon, give us some sugar." Herbert and Enrico move in to hug Zoey, but she walks away in disgust.

"So, did we win?" asks a sweaty Lloyd, finished with his push-ups.

"Yeah, you guys did, with 69 points!" Chris says, while Enrico laughs hysterically to the point where there are tears coming out of his eyes.

"And, lemme guess, we lost?" Alyxandra concludes with an eyebrow raised.

"I'm afraid so," says Chris. "Sorry, Alyx. Time to go to the Arcade Roof Ceremony and vote off a player!"

Friday (CONF): Lemme guess, I'm staying in the game. Hehe, the fans love me, what can I say?

Chris is shown at the roof of the arcade. It is nighttime, and there is a makeshift campfire in front of five stumps where the contestants are sitting. A porta-potty is used as the voting booth, and stairs lead back down to the main arcade. "This season, you don't get invincibility passes, but the loser gets a special surprise..." He opens up a gray padlocked box. "The loser gets this 'GAME OVER' pass, which basically means they can't come back. EVER. The following players are safe. Gavin, Alyxandra, and Caterina."

Gavin and Caterina cheer for joy and give each other a high-five, while Alyxandra just sits there, with a blank expression on her face.

"Reuben and Friday. I don't even know what to say about either of you two, but you don't seem to be the most popular contestants of the season. The 'GAME OVER' pass goes to...."

"Reuben. Sorry, bud, but you're out." Chris throws him the pass, which he crumples in his hand.

"What?! But I knew I could win! You guys all suck, you know that? You just voted out your most valuable player. I now know that your team will crash and burn without me, and that's a fact. Just watch. Toodle-oo, suckers," Reuben yells.

"Your vehicle of transportation will be this Arwing of Shame, brought to you by our friends at WIN-tendo. Have a good life, Reuben!" Chris says.

"I swear, this isn't the last of me! You all know that I'll be back, seeking my revenge on you crappy idiots who call yourselves a team!" yells Reuben. The pit of the Arwing opens, and he reluctantly gets in. The Arwing zooms away, and everyone sighs in relief.

"Who will be the next contestant voted out? What sort of authentic arcade challenges will we think of? Will any more interns get brutally maimed? Find out next week, on Total... Drama... Arcaaaade!"

Alyxandra (CONF): Eh, whatever. Reuben was quite annoying. I think everything he said was crap, though, because everyone on this team is so nice! And I think I'm a likable person, right? Caterina (CONF): Ahaha, Reuben was silly, and he totally didn't know all that stuff. He reminds me of my uncle Sarah. Ahahaha. Friday (CONF): Whoo. That was close. Maybe they just don't like my singing because they can't sing as much as me. Whatever the case is, I have to be less annoying... (long pause) ...A PERSON OF INTEREEEEEEST! Gavin (CONF): My goals this season? To turn Super Saiyan, to win the money so I can spend it all on cool new anime box sets, and to watch the entire first season of Halfalloy Wizard on my uPad. Pretty easy goals. Ha.